Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHERI don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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Denying racism is the new racism.
BILL MAHER