April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCEConsul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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