“Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

Optimism – the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

I saw opportunity appear in an ugly six-spindle shake machine … and grabbed it.

We will make machines that can reason, think and do things better than we can.

Sometimes I feel like an X-Ray machine cause I can see right through your fake face.

My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts.

Music is my time machine.

Man, like the universe, is a machine. Nothing enters our minds or determines our actions which is not directly or indirectly a response to stimuli beating upon our sense organs from without.

We are survival machines – robot vehicles blindly programmed to preserve the selfish molecules known as genes. This is a truth which still fills me with astonishment.

Power and machinery, money and goods, are useful only as they set us free to live.