LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
AMBROSE BIERCEThe only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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