“Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.”

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.

Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

I never wanted to be a statistic. I never wanted to be that cat who tried and never made it.

If you love animals, don’t eat them.

I have a dog. It’s an English mastiff called Dolly. Her middle name is Poppy.

I discovered that if one looks a little closer at this beautiful world, there are always red ants underneath.

Dogs are indeed the most social, affectionate, and amiable animals of the whole brute creation.

When you wrestle with a pig, he has fun, and you just end up dirty.

Butterflies and birds are like one perfect teaspoon of creation.

Orcas are my spirit animal. That’s my favorite mammal.