The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
-
-
I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD -
The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
NORM MACDONALD -
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD -
The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
NORM MACDONALD -
Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
NORM MACDONALD -
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
NORM MACDONALD -
I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
NORM MACDONALD -
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
NORM MACDONALD -
I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALD -
Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
NORM MACDONALD -
A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD -
Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALD -
All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
NORM MACDONALD -
I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALD -
Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
NORM MACDONALD -
They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
NORM MACDONALD -
I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
NORM MACDONALD -
Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
NORM MACDONALD -
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
NORM MACDONALD -
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
NORM MACDONALD -
If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
NORM MACDONALD -
It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
NORM MACDONALD -
Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
NORM MACDONALD -
Few people love with the violence they hate.
NORM MACDONALD -
Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
NORM MACDONALD -
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
NORM MACDONALD