I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
NORM MACDONALD






