There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALD