A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
NORM MACDONALDThe most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
NORM MACDONALD