How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT