On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Half the people you know are below average.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT






