It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
NORM MACDONALDHe that searches for praise will often find contempt.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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I don’t have any ambition.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD