“The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.”

Few people love with the violence they hate.

This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.

There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.

The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.

The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.

Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.

All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.

The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.

I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

We are imperfect. We cannot expect perfect government.

Your imperfections make you perfect.

They who pray with faith have fervour and fervour is the fire of prayer. This mysterious fire has the power of consuming all our faults and imperfections, and of giving to our actions, vitality, beauty and merit.

Why are all Christians happy and praising Jesus? It’s because we are not DEAD! We may be imperfect, but we aren’t DEAD!

The unmet need that can get met right now is the need to be whole, to be both your magnificent, divine self and your imperfect, human self.

I think America is still a bright, shining city on the hill – not because we’re perfect but because we struggle in our imperfections every day.

How happy I am to see myself as imperfect and to be in need of God’s mercy.

The men and women who are truly filled with light are those who have gazed deeply into the darkness of their own imperfect existence.