Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT






