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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

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Far Forever Goodness Immortal Live Myself

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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Myself Quick Toy
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alphabet Order Song
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT

Angry Install Light Live Myself People
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fight Funny Gift Myself Room
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Future One Liner Planning
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Age Anxiety Funny Myself Time
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Darkness Device Myself
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Evolution Monkey Science
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Book Funny Myself Writing
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forest Funny Himself Man Nature Woman Wrong
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Friendship Himself

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