The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHTI intend to live forever. So far, so good.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT