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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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