I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT