If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTMy friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Clones are people two.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT