I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHTI was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT