If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHTIf heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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Clones are people two.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT






