I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT