Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHTI couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT