“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

I’m just the car, you are the engine! Appreciate you Wonder Woman aka Queen.

When you have more than 10 cars you can’t remember what side the gas tank on.

White is actually one of my favorite colors. I have a white car. I love white.

Say yes to everything. ‘You want me to buy you some food?’ Yes. ‘You want me to buy you a car?’ Yes.

Being a passionate car enthusiast, I always had my eyes on driving a formula car.

I’m not so keen on letting my car drive itself.

I have a problem with Porsches. They’re wonderful cars, but I know I could never live with one.

A man who has never gone to school may steal a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.