If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT