Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhen I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
STEVEN WRIGHT






