If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHTClones are people two.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT