Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHTIs it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT