To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHTWhy do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT