“Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.

I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.

Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.

You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.

Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.

Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.

I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.

Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Drink! for you know not when you came, nor why; Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where.

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

I found myself being more and more involved with people who were rejected by society – with drug addicts, alcoholism, battered this, battered that – and I found an affinity there.

All it takes is one drink to mess with the way you drive – it clouds your judgment and slows your reflexes. Don’t take any chances. It just isn’t worth it.

This is one night I wish I smoked and drank.

Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.

[On alcohol:] Total abstinence is an impossibility and it will not do to insist on it as a general practice.

When men drink, then they are rich and successful and win lawsuits and are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.