A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERSOn her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
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I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to ‘ripley’s believe it or not’ – they sent it back and said, “we don’t believe it.”
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS