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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

W. C. Fields

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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