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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

W. C. Fields

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

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