black
grey
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

W. C. Fields

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. FIELDS

Break One Liner
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

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