You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDSIt is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS