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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

W. C. Fields

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDS

Attitude Deep Yourself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

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Popular Authors

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