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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

W. C. Fields

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. FIELDS

Appearance Help People Sex Ugly
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
W. C. FIELDS

Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
W. C. FIELDS

Enough Fools Live People Time Yourself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
W. C. FIELDS

Gift Ignorance Peace Prayer Wisdom

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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