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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

W. C. Fields

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDS

Easy Time Yourself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Funny Wings
I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Food Myself
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Force Myself
Yes I do like children, Girl children, about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself Woman
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS

Equality Freedom Hate Myself

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.

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