When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDSI used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Prayers never bring anything, They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy – but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas.
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I drink therefore I am.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time and that’s enough to make a decent living.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS