It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
W. C. FIELDSPhiladelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
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If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I drink therefore I am.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS






