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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

W. C. Fields

I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Eat Myself One Liner
Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Believe
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS

Himself Mom
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Evidence Success Yourself
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS

Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. FIELDS

Father Myself Prison
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.

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