A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDSA thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
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My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS