I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDSDuring one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS