Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDSI like children. If they’re properly cooked.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
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I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.
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The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. FIELDS