Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDSI like children. If they’re properly cooked.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
-
-
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS -
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS -
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS -
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. FIELDS -
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS -
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS -
I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. FIELDS -
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS -
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS