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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

W. C. Fields

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS

Destroy Myself See
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS

Habit Mad Myself Weird
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Vote
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
Sex isn’t necessary. You don’t die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Necessary Sex Yourself
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

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I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

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