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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

W. C. Fields

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. FIELDS

Choice Inspirational Yourself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Money Myself Wild Woman

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

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