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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

W. C. Fields

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Herself Love Myself
There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
W. C. FIELDS

Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Home Start Time
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. FIELDS

Death Hope Life Lost
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View

I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

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I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

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