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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W. C. Fields

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. FIELDS

Care Husband Wife
It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Funny Old World
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
W. C. FIELDS

Goodness Lost Myself Night Thankful
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Myself Young
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. FIELDS

Instagram Captions Myself One Liner
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

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