It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDSThere comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness… I thought I’d lost it.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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You can’t cheat an honest man.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS