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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

W. C. Fields

I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. FIELDS

Age Food Myself Need
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Money Poor Rich
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Home
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. FIELDS

Alive Danger Man Place World
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. FIELDS

Doctor Togetherness
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Myself Perspective Sea
I don’t drink anymore, on the other hand I don’t drink any less either.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.

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