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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

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Animal Bad Children Hate

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
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Improvement Myself
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Alive Danger Man Place World
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Animal Food
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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Friendship Life Marriage Necessary Old Relationship
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
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Crazy Doubt Existence Woman
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Beautiful Experience Life
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Food Live Lost Struggle Travel
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose -to make people laugh.
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Business Laugh Oneself People Purpose Serious
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
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Herself Thankful Woman
I drink therefore I am.
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Instagram Captions Myself One Liner

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