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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

W. C. Fields

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS

Break Himself Honesty Man Myself Smart Yourself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
I’m looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religious
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. FIELDS

Need Quit Stupidity Time
Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. FIELDS

Funny Myself Time
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS

Trust Yourself
Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. FIELDS

Born Lose People
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
W. C. FIELDS

Improvement Myself
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

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Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

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