I had to get back to work, .. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I have only a verbal agreement.
TINA FEYIf you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.
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When actors are too good-looking, I can’t memorize them. For example, I have never seen a picture of Sienna Miller where I didn’t say, “That girl’s pretty. Who is that?
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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
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Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.
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You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.
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According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
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Maternity leave is over for Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live. She’ll be back behind the Weekend Update anchor desk for this week’s episode, her first show since giving birth to daughter Alice on Sept. 10.
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A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.
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I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.
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Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.
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In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
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You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.”
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I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them.
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It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’
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There are no mistakes only opportunities.
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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
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In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
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Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.
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Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
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In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
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An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
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You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.
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Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.
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My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
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The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
TINA FEY