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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.

Tina Fey

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.
TINA FEY

Control Course Life Productive Saturday Sometimes Want Witty
Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.
TINA FEY

Afterward Figures Hate Saying Yes
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY

Come Experience Hardest Out Pretending Someone Surprise
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
TINA FEY

Career Obstacles Part Problem Solution Witty
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY

Actual Convert Gay People Thinking Witnesses Witty
In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
TINA FEY

Boss Case Good Mean People Talent Top Management Way Witty
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
TINA FEY

Again Crack Funny Inspirational Joke Like Math Struggle
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
TINA FEY

Asociation Country Funny High Humor Met National Official Rifle School Student
People lose their minds, trying to prove their parental worth by getting their children into one of five colleges; when there are thousands of good colleges across the United States – and elsewhere.
TINA FEY

Children Country Elsewhere Mind Parent People Prove Thousand
The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
TINA FEY

Achieve Arm Athlete Closet Country Doll Made People Person President Scientist
Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
TINA FEY

Part Problem Solutions Whatever
Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
TINA FEY

Athlete Caucasian Classic Country Every Expect Eye Girl Nose Sarcastic
Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
TINA FEY

Bad Ecveryonbe Feel Fraud Realize Trying
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
TINA FEY

Humor People Smart Tell Witty
I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.
TINA FEY

Bar High People Start Time
For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.
TINA FEY

Bills Inspirational Laugh Laughing Real Show Sketch Thought
When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
TINA FEY

Autistic Coworker Emotion Person Picture Recognize Struggle Taught Worst
Every kid has something they’re good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.
TINA FEY

Final Good Gravitate Kid Learning School Something Toward
An acting teacher once told me, ‘Greet everything with yes… Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.’
TINA FEY

Acting Everything Motivation Moving Teacher Told Yes
Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.
TINA FEY

Amaze Even Got More Movie Review Worst
I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
TINA FEY

Confidence Disproportionate Funny Look Parent Raise Thank
If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
TINA FEY

Audience Cress Down Funny Humor Lady Laugh Like Man Men Old Push Start
Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
TINA FEY

Arm Change Educate Energy Nothing Rock Year
In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
TINA FEY

Cope Humor Life People Real Situation
I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, ‘Yeah, I’m not cool enough for the West Village.’
TINA FEY

Accept Country Live Part Pick Think
To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
TINA FEY

Afraid Contribute Discussion Mean Something Worthwhile
I feel like there is a lot of inherent humor in the stress and insanity surrounding that process.
TINA FEY

Children College Humour Insanity Proceed Stress Surround

When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.

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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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