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In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

Tina Fey

This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.
TINA FEY

Embarrassment Failure Feet Okay Spine Survive Understand Weight
There are no mistakes only opportunities.
TINA FEY

Inspirational Mistake Opportunity Successful
You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.
TINA FEY

Another Business Competition Other Woman
I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
TINA FEY

Confidence Disproportionate Funny Look Parent Raise Thank
I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them.
TINA FEY

Affinity Animal Cute Dog Hurt never
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
TINA FEY

Beauty Care Hilarious Important Inspirational Inspiring Rule
If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.
TINA FEY

Act Actor Ask Class People Screenwriter Sense Skill Want
Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.
TINA FEY

Average Cities Sex Totally Wardrobe
Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.
TINA FEY

Adult Bunch Creepier Nothing Quiet
Life is improvisation.
TINA FEY

Improvisation Inspirational Life Is
I am going to dedicate myself, full time, to my day-drinking.
TINA FEY

Day Drinking Delicate Drinking Full Go Time
I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
TINA FEY

Action Class Country First Make People Place Statement Voice
You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘this is impossible – oh,this is impossible’. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
TINA FEY

Humor Inspiring Parenting Problem Solution
When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.
TINA FEY

Dress Funny Halfway Play Inhernity Men Woman
It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
TINA FEY

Boring Overrated Perfect TV Witty
I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.
TINA FEY

Bed Birth Chic Christmas Guarantee People Prefer Retro Spend
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
TINA FEY

Career Obstacles Part Problem Solution Witty
I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
TINA FEY

Baby Basketball Boring Champion Every Most News Spell
I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
TINA FEY

Asshole Crazy Good Much People Take Time
In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
TINA FEY

Bomb Dog Feel Late Order Purchase Safer Sniff Too
If you ever start to feel good about yourself… …. they have this thing called the internet.
TINA FEY

Call Feel Good Internet Yourself
Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea.
TINA FEY

Baby Book Down Husband Love Pick Pray Prejudice Pride Right
To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
TINA FEY

Afraid Contribute Discussion Mean Something Worthwhile
An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
TINA FEY

Country Funny Government Humor Include Interim Job Minister Set Whom Women
MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure?
TINA FEY

Accusatory Applies Class Constantly Eye Look Make Statement Voice Witty
What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.
TINA FEY

Fort Home Mean Need Pant Soon Take Turn Women
In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
TINA FEY

Asociation Country Funny High Humor Met National Official Rifle School Student

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

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In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

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