“For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.”

I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.

There are no mistakes only opportunities.

I am going to dedicate myself, full time, to my day-drinking.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria’s Secret. There would be no Dior.

An acting teacher once told me, ‘Greet everything with yes… Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.’

You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.

You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘this is impossible – oh,this is impossible’. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.

Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.

A wise friend once told me, ‘Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.’

Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.

You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.”

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.

I listen to Bill Stewart play the drums and when I have finished doing that, I listen to Bill Stewart.

Congress is headed in the wrong direction with this bill which removes any and all incentives from the food industry to improve their products for children.

I’ve had the luxury of owning my own studio, 24 analogue, 48 digital, endless effects, endless hardcore gear, that I don’t have to rent, I don’t get stuck with the bills, it’s all mine.

Bill Russell was my favorite player of all-time.

Recommended additon to the Consumer Privacy Bill of Rights: “A right to not have your data rise up and attack you.”

No matter how much evidence we uncover about this case or any others involving Mr. Clinton, millions of Americans simply will not care – they will excuse the corruption because they like Bill Clinton.

You can say anything you want to say. I’m just Bill Foley.

Bill Clinton was relentless, eloquent and truly charming.