In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
TINA FEYI was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
TINA FEY -
Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
TINA FEY -
I’m not that good looking… nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.
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You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.
TINA FEY -
You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.
TINA FEY -
This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
TINA FEY -
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY -
A wise friend once told me, ‘Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.’
TINA FEY -
You can’t control things by being nervous.
TINA FEY -
If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.
TINA FEY -
For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.
TINA FEY -
So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?”
TINA FEY -
Gravity”: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more minute with a woman his own age.
TINA FEY -
If you ever start to feel good about yourself… …. they have this thing called the internet.
TINA FEY -
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
TINA FEY -
My standard answer is that I have the same struggle as any working parent but with the good fortune to be working at my dream job. Or sometimes I just hand them a juicy red apple I’ve poisoned in my working-mother witch cauldron and fly away.
TINA FEY -
What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.
TINA FEY -
You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.”
TINA FEY -
Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.
TINA FEY -
I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
TINA FEY -
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
TINA FEY -
Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do
TINA FEY -
Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.
TINA FEY -
There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable.
TINA FEY -
You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘this is impossible – oh,this is impossible’. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
TINA FEY -
Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
TINA FEY