According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
TINA FEYYou can’t control things by being nervous.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.
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I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
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It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.
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In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.
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Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
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You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it.
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I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them.
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Thomas Jefferson-another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.
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If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
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When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.
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When actors are too good-looking, I can’t memorize them. For example, I have never seen a picture of Sienna Miller where I didn’t say, “That girl’s pretty. Who is that?
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I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
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For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.
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Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.
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Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
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There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.
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Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do
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In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
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The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
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In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
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A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.
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I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.
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To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
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What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.
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I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
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To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
TINA FEY