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You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.

Tina Fey

I want every day to be the most boring news day ever. I want every day to be about spelling bee champions and baby basketball. It’s better to have no comedy material than a horrific news day.
TINA FEY

Baby Basketball Boring Champion Every Most News Spell
(Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)
TINA FEY

Cry Everyone never People Say Some Terrify
It’s the same reason I don’t get Hooters. Why do we need to enjoy chicken wings and boobies at the same time? Yes, they are a natural and beautiful part of the human experience. And so are boobies. But why at the same time?
TINA FEY

Beautiful Boodies Chicken Enjoy Hooter Need Reason Same Time Wing Wings
Maternity leave is over for Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live. She’ll be back behind the Weekend Update anchor desk for this week’s episode, her first show since giving birth to daughter Alice on Sept. 10.
TINA FEY

Baby Daughter Leave Maternity Night Over Saturday Weekend
(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)
TINA FEY

Children Moment Protest Time Uncles Witty
Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
TINA FEY

Actual Convert Gay People Thinking Witnesses Witty
Everybody kind of gets to be the person they didn’t get to be.
TINA FEY

Everybody Get Kind Person Prison
I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
TINA FEY

Design Excercise Funny Machine People Reward Sex Someone Workout
If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.
TINA FEY

Book Dominate Mad Male People Practical Tip Woman Workplace
Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!
TINA FEY

Arm Change Educate Energy Nothing Rock Year
In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
TINA FEY

Come Experience Hardest Out Pretending Someone Surprise
Even more amazing: not the worst review the movie got.
TINA FEY

Amaze Even Got More Movie Review Worst
Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
TINA FEY

Answer Difficult Itself Present Sometimes Stail
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
TINA FEY

Ability Acne Anxiety Chin Good Turn Witty
Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
TINA FEY

Bad Ecveryonbe Feel Fraud Realize Trying
Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.
TINA FEY

See Start Take Yes You
You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘this is impossible – oh,this is impossible’. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
TINA FEY

Humor Inspiring Parenting Problem Solution
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
TINA FEY

Career Obstacles Part Problem Solution Witty
And I can see Russia from my house.
TINA FEY

Country House Live Saturday Night
Life is improvisation.
TINA FEY

Improvisation Inspirational Life Is
I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey.
TINA FEY

Amazed Constantly Funny Humor People
I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.
TINA FEY

Bar High People Start Time
MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure?
TINA FEY

Accusatory Applies Class Constantly Eye Look Make Statement Voice Witty
Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
TINA FEY

Athlete Caucasian Classic Country Every Expect Eye Girl Nose Sarcastic
Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.
TINA FEY

Inspiring Leadership Motivational
I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did – Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.
TINA FEY

Bed Birth Chic Christmas Guarantee People Prefer Retro Spend
Gravity”: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more minute with a woman his own age.
TINA FEY

Age Attempt Decision Easier History Myself Space Stories

You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.

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You do not have to sleep with a comedian to learn what you’re doing. Male comedians will not like that advice, but it is the truth.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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