“An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?”

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.

If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions… Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.

Life is improvisation.

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!”

People lose their minds, trying to prove their parental worth by getting their children into one of five colleges; when there are thousands of good colleges across the United States – and elsewhere.

We can’t stand silence, because silence includes thinking. And if we thought, we would have to face ourselves.

You’re sort of forced to include this aspect of culture into your life whether it be for social reasons or business purposes.

DUST includes rarities, demos, unreleased songs and instrumentals, live recordings, and more.

We add to it every now and then. It includes things like never date a guy whose computer costs more than his car (you’ll never get him to pay attention to you except over instant messages)

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

My purpose in life does not include a hankering to charm society.

That includes people who call themselves Muslims but who don’t lead their lives as such – people who drink, who don’t pray, who don’t fast, who have constantly changing partners and who are unable to recite the Koran.

Who we are in the present includes who we were in the past.