“Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.”

In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.

If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions… Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

Life is improvisation.

In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.

Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.

In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].

When I turned 50, I looked in the mirror and I thought: “Hey, this isn’t the dress rehearsal, this is life and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to have!”

People lose their minds, trying to prove their parental worth by getting their children into one of five colleges; when there are thousands of good colleges across the United States – and elsewhere.

‘How do you juggle it all?’ people constantly ask me, with an accusatory look in their eyes. ‘You’re screwing it all up, aren’t you?’ their eyes say.

I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that. But now I do.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

Of course, what’s not universal is talent. Are you making anything that anyone really should see?

But what you realise after you’ve been in the business for a while is that people develop opinions about you that don’t have anything to do with your music, they like or dislike you for a million reasons, they like or dislike you for your last record.

I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

I’m not afraid of anything that might happen to me on this earth, because I know no matter what, nothing can take my spirit from me.

I asked a boy begging on the streets, ‘If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?’ and he answered me with two words: ‘A pencil.’ Luckily, I had one in my pocket, and in the second it took me to give it to him, a defining dream was born.

I have fun. I always have fun. I don’t really get in a hurry about anything. I just try to go with the flow and have fun, and that’s how I try to play baseball.

Hey, I’m serious here? Why do you have to ask me how many hits I have?

The nice thing about being on stage is it’s not that I know what to do, but I have a very clear feeling that anything I do is OK. All I’m up there to do is express how I feel. Any way I choose to do that is fine.