Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLENI have a thing for tools.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLEN