I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLENI love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN