I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLENI love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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I think there’s a percentage that don’t realize, that don’t know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It’s more of a it’s not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN