I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENI know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENMen aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
TIM ALLENThe world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
TIM ALLENI’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
TIM ALLENI had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLENI love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLENI was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
TIM ALLENThe big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLENIf you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
TIM ALLENBut separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLENUse a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
TIM ALLENWhen you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
TIM ALLENMen often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
TIM ALLENA guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLENMy comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
TIM ALLENI love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN