When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLENBut separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
TIM ALLEN