Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
TIM ALLENDogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
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