I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLENWomen are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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I have a thing for tools.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
TIM ALLEN